Text 20 May why are you smiling

I used to see pretty girls everywhere
just how they see themselves
posted up here and there
with smiles so wide and eyes that see
I used to believe in casual elegance and the way their sleeveless shirt hung right at the edge of the shoulder just so

But here is a grin that slips through with precision
and a pair of eyes which aim with intent
here is a pretty girl laughing because something was funny
then coughing
then smiling and laughing again
here is a girl that I have chosen to believe
and may the terror of the prospect carry us over

Video 8 May 1 note

now of course most of you aren’t mormons, as i do have a certain hierarchy of things that negate me respecting a human enough to have any legitimate social interaction with them, but this does bring us back to the humor of the whole “now that’s crazy” thing, where people who literally believe that a man who worked miracles was crucified, died, buried, resurrected, and ascended into heaven, can somehow call mormons, scientologists, and other equally psychotic people “crazy,” as though this fundamental aspect of their world view somehow wasn’t. 

so that being said, at 1:33
“I no longer believe that an institution which changes its doctrines as our culture evolves is in any way directed by a transcendent being.”

wow formon, you just very eloquently hit the nail on the fucking head for me. 

for some context on my views
http://lastdoorontheleft.tumblr.com/post/48374207486/i-just-wanna-take-a-minute-to-try-modestly-to
but a big piece that’s missing is my ongoing contention with the ebb and flow of the spiritual institution. you see, it is precisely because i do believe in the existence of something which is too big to be understood, what you might and i periodically refer to as “God,” that i can’t accept established religion of any kind in any way, as ALL formalized religions (and subsequent cultural spiritualities) are the direct bi-product of an established orthodoxy slowly coming to grips with a lack of relevancy and saliency and making the necessary concessions to maintain a seat at the table. in my interpretation of logic and legitimacy, that equals out to being proven wrong and deciding to tone it down a bit before everyone realizes, and since the subject matter is the transcendental (essentially “God” or “that which cannot be known ((because those words basically means the same fucking thing!))) it’s very easy to play to the human desire to connect with the beyond and keep them coming back for more while trading in the initial strategy. FDR convinced a lot of the wealthy establishment people to kick down some of the crumbs because the masses were getting restless, and this peculiar abstraction of freedom and democracy was able to perpetuate as a result. was the system legitimate in any way, all the more so clear based on its need to change form? obviously not. the two most unflinching while unfounded beliefs that people generally hold are that of religion and politics. go figure.

i remember when i lost my faith. i remember snagging a cigarette i had hidden (i hadn’t smoked while i was living in orlando) and biking over to a nearby pond in tears. i sat down, lit up, continued to cry, and was only able to carry on for the strange and illusive relationship i’ve always had to the unseen. this overarching sense of purpose, what you might and i periodically refer to as my mind (God,) seemed to be telling me that i should walk away from this flawed beast. you see, a lot of things in life are confusing. a lot of them are confusing beyond reason, and we often must accept something at face value for that in the interest of carrying on, but i tell you that it is not wise or necessary in any way to conform to even an abstraction of dogmatic orthodoxy for those reasons. as the transcendental cannot be known, only experienced, you are doing your fluid natural self a severe disservice by stitching it up in any manner of practical explanation, aside from completely negating the basic nature of it, and if it does have any agency in this realm, it probably doesn’t want you to do that. 

so clear your inbox for a minute, because maybe god wants you to walk away from God so you can hear it again.

Text 28 Apr

Anonymous asked: How do you like David Lynch's work?

alright, who’s the fuckin smart ass?

Text 28 Apr conversation is the foreman of clarity

(my friend)
Yeah, it’s these two viewpoints that seem opposing, I guess, but are probably just different levels of perception. On one hand, there’s this ‘mountain pushing’ activity that arises in someone when a specific interplay of elements occurs… Valid cognition, heightened awareness, empathy that creates pain, pain that creates anger, anger that yields some form of action… failed action that leads to deeper pain, deeper pain that leads to compassion… compassion giving birth to more action… somewhere along the way “wisdom” might occur as all of these elements crystallize, provided they are sufficiently intact as this process unfolds, the wisdom or gnosis being that everything is actually fundamentally okay.

And I think some crucial part of us exists on that level. Part of exists on the phenomenal level also, where the mountain must be pushed because everything has a nature, and that nature is its karma, or “doing,” and everyone has to be who they are. This involves taking part in a drama whether or not we realize that it’s a drama, which is of course a deception.

I feel like I have a reasonable grasp of these differing levels, but it still throws me off sometimes. It seems important to spend time with each of them, to find that balance you mentioned. Am I understanding you?
image
 
yeah, i think so. i mean, i think i’m coming to the recognition that mountains can’t be pushed, but tectonic plates will crash them together and pull them apart. the oldest mountain range in the world, the appalachians, are some of the smallest, whereas the youngest, the himmalayas, are the biggest. the wise man, i think, reckons a way to walk around or over them in his own time, and the fluid of life continues.

kropotkin critiques darwin by pointing out that it was actually cooperation, not competition, that facilitated the advent of homo sapiens in their relative dominance over the natural earth. that being said, i recognize a beauty in the human desire to struggle and flail and fight for any, all, and no reason. like dionysian cultists running up hills, drinking wine, screaming, and finally arriving at the alter to rip apart a deer and drink its flesh, attaining such an ecstatic sense of frenzy that they believed they were communing with dionysus himself, we can get our magic anywhere we want. punk rock makes a handsome religion when you take that campbell wisdom to heart: any good myth simply connects the user with the transcendental, that which cannot be known (the best thing) with an expressionistic experience of it (the best thing that can be known.)

i explained it to someone by comparing the feeling of being a german at a nazi rally to being at a pink floyd concert on 3 hits of acid. the sensation of oneness and impermanence is the most compelling sensation, and one which we will chase in perpetuity, yet we will do best when we isolate this nature and pursue it for what it is, thereby demystifying it, at least for our practical purposes.

everything is everything. we’re already dead. try to smile and walk away from what constricts you.

applying that to the revolution video, i just want to be free in my own time and in a real way. the only thing that actively oppresses me is the economic arrangement i was born into, and the potential damages i experience resultant of my involuntary relationship with the state arrangement i was born into (most usually through terrorism or mugging or some other desperate attempt at similar liberation from circumstances, which is almost always blind and disproportionate.)

i don’t want to be part of a mass movement any more. i don’t want to see the young people waste their energy on a revolution that won’t make them anymore of a species-being than any other group action would. i don’t want to continue to represent the only animals that trade themselves for representations of what they have, want, and need. i want a tribe, and a space, and a place to make a stand. i want my collective, where i can have more than che guevara could have ever even imagined.

Video 19 Apr 4 notes

i just wanna take a minute to try modestly to explain why i think non-religious people are increasingly aggressive towards religious people, or at least why i am.

everyone with a basic understanding of things knows that not all muslims are terrorists, not all christians are fundamentalists, and not all jews are zionists. if you think they are, you’re a twat. that being said, taking any of these religions literally will, if done so in a direct sense, render those positions. it’s a basic problem with the notion of divinity/providence/salvation, which can best be explained by comparing it to pride: to be proud of your race, nation, or state necessarily indicates that, in your mind, if even on a subconscious level, it’s better than the others. think about it logically. if you believe that you are saved through divinity than you necessarily believe that those who haven’t made these decisions are not saved, ie they are lesser than you (see fuck tards in this video for a more vivid example.)

now obviously it is people that are consciously thinking like this that have created literally every war in human history. to put it another way, it is only religions, states, and the philosophies which drive states, joined together by associating individuals that have produced literally every war the world has ever known. cool. we understand that. maybe we don’t think about it like that often, but we all kinda know that on a subconscious level (again referring to people that know how to read and have some basic critical thinking skills) but what does that have to do with the liberal religious folks?

well, liberal religious people, that meaning people that ascribe to some element of these text based creeds but don’t take them literally across the board, could be said to make up the majority of the religious population of the world, just like people that essentially believe in america but don’t think we should conquer the world make up the majority of our national population. what that means is that these volatile ideologies persist not on the efforts of fundamentalists and ideologues, but on the cowardice of thinking people who don’t have the strength of mind and conviction to renounce them. to put it another way, when a US drone drops a bomb on a child, you represent 1/313,914,040th of that bomb, because you have passively supported the continuation of the united states, and even if you didn’t vote for the guy or you wrote your congressman or you protested this weekend or you’re a fucking anarchist like me, in the natural order of things, you’ve got blood on your hands, because this shit doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and as we’re seeing more and more often, when the crows come home to roost, they see the forest not the trees. to be clear, i’m not saying that that’s okay or what i would like or what i think is fair, because it’s not about that, it’s just the logical equation that reality follows.

coming back to religion, what we’re seeing here is the basic problem of personal evolutions within society. in other words, if every christian, muslim, and jew all became relaxed and groovy about it, admitted that a decent chunk of their books can’t and shouldn’t be taken literally, and peace on earth occurred, it would only last as long as it took for some young person to grow up and get a hold of his culturally relevant religious text and start thumbing through it, notice that his culture wasn’t doing what is implied by referring to themselves as christians, jews, or muslims (that meaning following the laws of those creeds) and become indignant enough about it to decide that he would = terrorism at worst, major dickhead at best, and the problem would begin again. 

what i’m getting at: peace cannot exist with religion. your liberal version of it is fine on a personal level, but in the larger context you are passively contributing to what it does in all its incantations. BUT THERE’S GOOD NEWS! if you’re not taking your religion literally, but rather using it as a personal source of reassurance, than there’s a million other things you can believe in that don’t kill lots of people. i believe a lot in music, cheeseburgers, myself, you, the future, swag, and making funny faces on the bus. mythology is an incredibly powerful thing, but you can mold and create it outside of dogmatic barriers in anyway you chose. because rigorous study of these orthodox religions renders the indisputable fact that they are widely false in a simple could this have actually happened sense (the gospels, the old testament, etc) the only hard thing you need to do is set down the rest of it. it’s like walking towards a house and seeing the back half of it blow up. do you continue to walk towards that house, assuming that it will somehow still provide you shelter, or do you make camp for the night and re-evaluate your plan? believe in something, anything other than these things. believe in humanity! check out secular humanism !!! we’re awesome, and we are so without the easter bunny, uncle sam, or jesus! 

religion, states, and statist philosophies are the only convictions which are generally accepted while being viewed as potentially false or at least unprovable. no one still believes in spontaneous generation, because it couldn’t hold water, and yet a majority of humans accept these other shaky at best paradigms with stunning conviction. imagine what we could do as a species if that enthusiasm was placed elsewhere! 

additionally, the age of the humanist martyrs is upon us. non-believers are the target of constant criticism from the religious parts of their communities, and for what? because they’re not convinced? because they see some of the holes? or because they challenge the ease with which the majority of people consent to total bullshit? when these attacks happen, carried out by religious extremists, they typically kill all kinds of people. there were liberal muslims in the twin towers that died at the hands of islamic extremists, but does that mean that islam is actually cool and we should put our human energy into accepting or saving something that is at least partially fucked in a huge way? WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?!?! STOP DOING THAT!!! REJOIN THE HUMAN RACE!!!

Video 28 Mar 1 note

i made young video!

Text 15 Mar 1 note

if i had the words to write
i’d tell you just how scary it is in here.
but my heart trembles
it shakes and shivers
like a remote controlled car
and always putters out with the same lamentable indifference.

so my head stays filled with fire 
and my soul stays filled with coal
in my dreams i’m always dying
but in life i’m just getting old.
everyone sees you
when the sun’s in your eyes
but they haven’t sense to feel
the fresh paint dries.

second pew from the back 
left side, three seats in.
i came here tonight to burn brighter than you
oh lord
but your indifference saves you again.
surrender before the fight
just like i would have
and let all those forever after wonder why
but the answer was always simple;
because here was a boy
who thought big and wonderful things
but he was small
and he knew not what to do with it.
so he sweat and bled the dreams he once had
and produced more words and love
than his hands could build or his mouth could speak.

if i had the mouth to speak
i would cry out to each and every one of you
but i just wasn’t born to show.

Photo 13 Mar you forgot your sauce bro.

you forgot your sauce bro.

Text 13 Mar

Anonymous asked: You make my heart ache

make mine ache back!

my tumblr is just a secret admirer discussion board.

Text 12 Mar

Anonymous asked: do you miss anyone? if so, why?

image

because i hate to accept things that don’t make sense to me.
cryptic as it is, who would really answer a question like this literally?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT2GKw1UeA0


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